(Dedicated to those who have lived this, and to those who might be considering having multiple kids)
I had the night off from calling football, my wife was out with friends- so I got this brilliant idea to take all three kids out to a game. Some of my favorite memories as a kid involve me and my dad heading out to a high school game under the lights and I wanted to share this experience with my kids.
We ended up leaving the house late because my middle child couldn't find his shoes. His inability to find shoes is right up there with death and taxes, its something you can count on. Eventually my shoeless child miraculously found something to cover his feet with and we head out. Before we go to the game we have to first stop at a large chain store to get my youngest a better car seat (safety first). You would think that I would be a car seat aficionado by now, but I did not fully realize that I actually had to first assemble the seat before use. I am not a big directions reader, so I start trying to cram the pieces together while my 3 extremely excited kids attempt to wriggle out of the car to dodge traffic in the parking lot.
Seat construction complete, we are now able to safely drive to the game. When we arrive there's only 5 minutes left in the half and our team is already down 21-0. The field is (no exaggeration) a mile away from where we parked.
As we start our forced march to the stadium I started mentally preparing myself for the typical trash talk from the home team, and wonder how to explain to my kids what the phrase "you suck" means. About half-way, 2 of my 3 kids start melting down for various mysterious reasons that defy logic, while the other kid finds a plastic football and is jumping for joy. As the mini-meltdowns continue, I start processing options, and before I know what I am saying I blurt out -"Who wants ice cream instead?" The 2 kids who had been crying scream YES! The once happy kid with newfound football starts to cry. We pack back up, get to store to get ice cream and now my middle child (the one with the tendency to lose shoes) needs to use the public bathroom (you can imagine my joy). After the bathroom break, ice cream selections were made. As we near the check-out my oldest declares has now has to use the bathroom. I choose to ignore, acting like I didn't hear him (this will seem terrible to the parenting neophyte, but he is a habitual pee-false-alarmer). At this point I am hoping to check out, get to the car, and arrive home without having to go back into the biohazard that is this store's bathroom. Unfortunately, the guy ahead of me in line is buying about $300 in booze, and also arguing over the price. The stalled grocery store check out experience is absolutely the death knell for parents. Right there in front of your child's eye is a veritable smorgasbord of a kid's desire. Candy, fidget spinners, magazines with covers that illicit uncomfortable questions (see Cosmo, health magazines with half nude people smiling while holding bowls of quinoa, etc.). Somehow we escape with no extra purchases and no tears.
Upon pulling out of the parking lot I make one of the most critical parenting error you can make...the "hey look at that" suggestion, while not considering that not all your kids saw it. I merely pointed out as we are leaving the cool dog a woman was walking, 2 of 3 kids agree that the dog was intact cool...the third claims he can't see dog and starts crying and demands we drive after lady so he can see it.
We finally arrive at home and eat ice cream, everyone is happy! Whoops, our failed football journey, shopping spree and drive have put us perilously close to bedtime. As the kids lick the remaining ice cream from their bowls I exclaim, "BEDTIME!".... Kids are now all crying. The great news is they eventually cried themselves to sleep.
There is no real purpose to this blog post, I assume if you made it this far you either have kids and have lived this or don't have kids and are celebrating the fact you don't. I have next Friday off too, maybe we will actually make it to the game next week...better start looking for my kid's shoes right now!
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